Frustration and Hope: The Eternal Round

I am often upset by the fact that I am still limited by my body. Here I am home from Church again. I see people all around me, people I’ve mentored and other raw-foodests, who can make the smallest changes and see amazing results. I’m a year in to this and still rather ill. Somehow I’ve hung onto this wild hope that, in time, my body will heal. I’ve been carried this far on the wings of faith. Today’s issue: Several years ago, when I was pregnant with my second child, when I drank water I could hear and feel bubbling just under my left rib cage. With my third pregnancy it came back, and this time when I would turn to the left I would feel something “catch” under my ribs. I had one of my interns at my husband’s school palpate my abdomen and she said everything felt fine. Following that pregnancy I’ve had a lot of painful gas up the side of my descending colon and, most recently, sharp stabbing pain under the rib (where the transcending and descending colon meet) that goes through into my back. When it happens I go down to the floor. I can’t stand and I can barely inhale, so I take tiny, short, sharp breaths. It usually happens after a bowel movement, and then I’ll often have another (and maybe even another) and that will ease the pain. When it happened several days ago I did an enema and that helped, but I can’t do enemas most of the time because I’m alone with 3 small children. It terrifies me that this problem is getting worse. Lately I’ve pondered seeing an M.D., worrying that I have colon cancer or some such thing. I’m pretty freaked out. I’m still struggling to go 100% raw with hypoglycemia. The past 2 days I drank my first green juices. I want so badly to do the 92-day juice feast, but even the modified version (where you also consume green smoothies and raw soups with blended avocado) worries me. First of all because I have yet to met a raw soup I could swallow, nor a blended avocado for that matter. Second, because I tried all green smoothies for a day and had a terrible hypoglycemic reaction. I haven’t felt a big difference with the green juice I’ve drank so far, but I’ve only been drinking 1 qt a day. A regular juice feast calls for 6 qts a day, and a modified feast 4 qts. I do feel very unbalanced and I know my body is screaming for more greens (I currently consume about 2 heads of lettuce per day, one of them blended and one as a salad). I also feel an intense need for exercise, but I still am clueless as to how to do that with 3 children. I’ve been SOOOO tired lately. I’ve been falling asleep sitting up during the day everyday, normally I wouldn’t even sit down during the day in the first place. I’m scared that if I try to exercise I’ll black out or something. I’ve always been afraid of the sensations that come along with a workout. Once my heart starts pounding, I panic. As a result I’m super weak and tired and have a lot of pain in my body. I do, however, have one good thing to report! The swelling in my feet has gone down a ton and my eczema has DRASTICALLY improved, like, I can wear eye makeup now and there are no traces of it on my elbows or knees. So… that should mean my digestion is improving… so why the stabbing gas pains?

Goals: Lately I’ve been starting the day off with several Master Cleanse drinks (2 TBS fresh lemon juice, 2 TBS maple syrup, dash of cayenne pepper, and 8 oz. water). I follow that with a green juice and (if my blood sugar will allow it) follow that with a green smoothie. The idea (my idea) is to extend my night fast and give my digestive tract as much rest as possible. I’d like to work it up in a full day of nothing but liquids. I’ve also been working the sprouted grain bread out of my day. So the one big problem that is still in the way of 100% raw is that dang creamy French salad dressing. I still cannot find a raw dressing I can even tolerate, much less enjoy, and greens without dressing, even when covered with other veggies, are just plain chokey and dry. But really, in the average day, my only issues left are sprouted bread, organic unsalted peanut butter, and creamy French dressing. I’ve got my vices down to three!

My most troubling symptoms currently:

Exhaustion

Weakness

Muscle tension pain and headaches

Abdominal pain, gas, nausea

Hypoglycemia

To me it all points to weak digestion and the liver and gall bladder troubles that come along with it. The cure for weak digestion is feasting on (mostly) green juices, but that can’t be done with severe hypoglycemia… sigh.

Cleanse Results!

From the before and after photos you can see that I lost 5 lbs. and several inches. Before the cleanse my abdomen looked very swollen and bloated and now looks closer to my true body. I’ve still got a fat pad on the front and some on the sides, but it is improving. If you’re appaled by the condition of my skin you might see www.theshapeofamother.com, that’s just what happens to most of us when our skin streches out to accommodate babies. I was very unsure as to weather or not I should post these because of how awkwardly shaped I am and because of the extra skin, but in the end I’m about being real. I think that’s the only way you can every truly help anyone, by being relatable and honest, and that is the purpose in this blog in the first place. That is the reason I called it “Raw Misadventures” because it isn’t all daisies and rainbows. In fact, we don’t get daisies and rainbows without storms! I have to admit another reason I’m posting these is that people keep telling me I don’t have more to lose or that its all just skin. I can grab handfuls of fat. I DO have weight left to lose!

Aside from the obvious improvement in my appearance I also experienced some improvements in several of the health issues that we’re really bothering me. Here they are:

Eczema: This one was a serious problem, and only got worse toward the middle of my cleanse. There was a point where I was almost in tears, feeling like I was about to lose my mind from the itching and burning all the way around my eyes. It went from my eyebrows all the way down into the underside of my eyelids. It covered my eyelid and went around, affecting the inner and outer corners of my eyes and underneath my eyes. It was a bright red-orange burning, itching mess. I didn’t wear makeup at all, just a little mascara to church the Sunday during my cleanse. Kolby thought I was crying. My eyes were so squinty and red and I could barely see. It did feel like it does after a good cry. In the end I’ve got just a tiny remnant on each eyelid and almost no itching. The patch on my elbow is almost gone, you can feel a little bumpy texture in a tiny spot but cannot see it. My knees are almost completely healed as well. The thick itchy rash is gone and just a little pink coloring with some dry skin is left. I’ve still got a small patch on my ear.

Heel Calluses: I used to have thick calluses on the heels of my feet that would crack and peel and I’d get fissures that would catch on carpet and sheets. My heels are now the softest they’ve been since the calluses started, 13 years ago. There is just a small spot on each heel.

Hypoglycemia: I was scared to cleanse because of my hypoglycemic trap, but I knew my digestive issues were the cause, so I went forward with faith. At no point did I have ANY hypoglycemic, or hyperglycemic, episodes. Nor have I since, even after all the junk I ate over the weekend. This is my miracle. I was in such despair, feeling trapped in this mess in my body. I was ruled by my blood sugar, constantly trying to regulate it and not knowing where to turn for help. I was terrified. But not anymore!

Muscle Tension/Pain: Was improved some. It’s hard to gauge because some days are harder than others and have always been. I had some severe pain in my neck, jaw, and ear in the middle of my cleanse but have been doing well since, just some tension.

Cleanse: Conclusion

So I completed my last 2 post cleanse days, then we had family come into town for Juelie’s baptism so I’m just now getting to my blog. Overall my cleanse went really well. I did finally get down a whole gallbladder flush drink, though I’ve yet to see any stones. With each cleanse comes a new resolve to take my health to another level. Here is what I’m taking (or continuing on) from this cleanse.

1 100% raw day per week
Once I’ve mastered that I will move up to 2 days per week, and so forth until I’m up to a whole week. Its all about making and achieving goals!

1 TBS G.I. Gel twice per day
I still have half a jar left, so I will keep that up until it’s gone.

2 L.B.T. caps at bedtime, until they’re gone

1-2 cups of tea per day
I’ve got a ton of tea left and it really helped me to eat less and get more water in. I also feel that it is very cleansing and soothing to my digestive tract.

2-32 oz green smoothies per day with Sun Is Shining
I loved having a second green smoothie for the afternoon when I’m feeling “snackish” and tend to get tired. I just make a double in the morning and keep half for later so its quick and easy and I’m more likely to grab that than tortilla chips (even though I still REALLY want the tortilla chips!) I also was feeling before my cleanse that my body needed more greens to balance all the fruit I eat and I feel great now, plus this has been my answer for not needing to eat the Ezekiel bread (I was eating 4-6 slices per day). Other than the Ezeikel bun I had with my Boca burger at Juelie’s party I have had no bread since the start of my cleanse (over 2 weeks).

2 oz Isagenix Cleanse for Life drink first thing in the morning
I was doing this before and took a break from it during my cleanse

Chromium Polynicotinate
I’ve read about it curing hypoglycemia and suppressing appetite. It really does seem to be helping.

Enemas (2-3 per week)
I’d really like to continue doing them daily, but it just isn’t possible with Kolby rarely here to watch the kids.

Exercise
I didn’t get much during my cleanse, other than putting in the garden and a few walks. I plan to try and see if Coen will play downstairs while I use the elliptical. Also a friend of mine offered to accompany me to the gym at the Y (I’m TERRIFEID of gyms and can’t go alone) and we’ll see if we can get Coen to stay in the childcare room without me (he’s pretty clingy). I’m really trying to get out for walks more, but it is hard with 3 kids alone and they all want to run. I feel bad not taking the dog but I can’t handle them all. I don’t get much exercise going baby speed, but at least its movement and fresh air. I also need to do ab work, not sure how I’m going to go about that yet.

I ate WAY too much this weekend! Between Friday and Monday I ate 3 boca burgers (1 with a sprouted grain bun), some gluten-free crackers, and I don’t know how many handfuls of chips (pita and potato). I didn’t poo from Friday until Monday afternoon. I felt like my whole center was full of bricks and I was soooo groggy. I gained 2 pounds over the weekend. I’m hoping to get that off with a 100% raw day today, lots of green smoothies, fruit, and fiber. But I’m craving those dang chips and we’ve got a cupboard full of them and I can’t throw them out because Kolby wants them!!!

Will be posting before and after pics and measurements as soon as/if I can find the little scrap piece of paper I wrote my before measurements on…

End of Cleanse Day 6

Just Plain Nutty Bars

Big news! I dropped into the one-teens for the first time in my life this morning!!!! 119 lbs. That is amazing! So I have one more cleanse day left, followed by 2 post-cleanse days to ease me back into the real world. Today was insanely busy, exhausting, and frustrating. And I was tired. The boys and the dog have been waking me up constantly all week and drinking so much water I have to get up like every hour to pee as well. Plus, I’m up until about 11:30 getting the last of my cleansing stuff down. I’m just not able to function unless I’m ASLEEP by 10:30, probably because I get woken up so much, and I need to sleep until at least 7 am. I haven’t had a single full night of sleep in 4 ½ years. The D.C.s at Kolby’s school have told me that has a lot to do with my pain levels. I don’t get enough sleep to make the hormones I need to make the natural pain relievers we all have. So someone who actually sleeps is numb to the feelings of the body constantly breaking down and rebuilding itself, but I am not so much. Lack of sleep also aggravates fibromyalgia. But what can I do? Drug the kids? Riiiiiight. If I were going to do that I wouldn’t have refused meds during childbirth! So anyway, today Kolby spent outside building a HUGE compost bin, I’m talking 18 ft long, 4 feet wide and 4 ft high. HUGE. The vegetables will be happy, and happy veggies make happy bodies. I was inside cleaning, as I always am when we have people for dinner. Last night we had the missionaries over. I LOVE having dinners with people, but more than one a week tears me apart. Combined with the stress of trying to get everything together for Juelie’s party and for having family in town this weekend the stress is just way to high for me to be a happy, or nice, person. There are so many tiny details and if I miss just one the whole thing will come crashing down. Little things like, remember to take the sprouted buns out of the freezer the day before, and planning cooked and raw meals for everyone, plus the party food. I have to make everything for the party on Friday and I have NO CLUE how all the food, plus all the food we need to stock up on for everyone who will be here during the weekend, is going to fit in the fridge! So Friday is going to be the craziest day ever, with people coming into town and cleaning and food prep all day. Then Saturday morning I need to decorate, clean some more, and get ready for the baptism. And manage to keep my sanity so I can actually feel the Spirit. Lol

I didn’t make the best possible choices at dinner, I did have some basmati and wild rice, steamed veggies, and sugary, cooked, bottled salad dressing. It always seems to go that way when we have people over. I can’t come up with something good enough that the kids and I don’t end up feeling deprived, so I make the healthiest cooked parts of the meals that I can and we eat it with salad and digestive enzymes. I really don’t like the clogged feeling, or the fact that then the kids get hooked and start begging me for “bad” food all day long.

Today I consumed:
7:45 G.I. Gel, Herb Tinctures
8:00-9:00 Spring Tea
9:15-9:45 32 oz green smoothie
10:30 apple
11:45 3 orange slices, 1 cantalope slice
12:00-2:00 Namaste Tea
12:15 banana
1:00 raisins
2:00 grapes
3:00 G.I. Gel, Herb Tinctures
3:45 4 orange slices
4:00-4:30 Spring Tea
4:30-6:30 20 oz green smoothie
5:45 basmati rice medley with cooked and raw vegetables
bok choy (steamed) with garlic ginger sauce
green salad with French dressing (bottled/cooked)
Just Plain Nutty Bar (recipe below)
9:30 red grapefruit
10:30 G.I. Gel, Herb Tinctures, L.B.T. Caps
10:30-10:45 Namaste Tea

Today’s recipe:

Just Plain Nutty Bars
I adapted this recipe from a random one I found online.

1 cup raw almond butter
¼ cup wheat germ
¼ cup flax seeds, ground
¼ cup pecans, ground
4-5 medjool dates
pinch of sea salt (I used Himalayan), to taste
squirt of raw agave (optional, to taste)
sprinkle of cinnamon (optional, to taste)

Process all ingredients in a food processor or high speed blender. Shape into bars and dehydrate several hours. Serve warm or refrigerate. They are soft and crumbly but harden a bit when refrigerated, but they are delicious warm! These would be out of this world if made with raw, aphalatoxin-free peanut butter (order from http://www.sunfood.com/). You could do ½ c. almond butter, ½ c. peanut butter, or all peanut butter but it may be too soft.

Makes 8 bars.

End of Cleanse Day 5

I can’t believe I’m already on day 5! I’m sad that I’m nearing the end of this cleanse, I want it to go on forever. Cleansing is wonderful. It transforms you in all ways. It allows you to reach new spiritual heights and opens your heart and your mind. Cleansing clears away all clutter and allows a new clarity. I wish I could remember, or had time to journal, all of the spiritual realizations I have had on this cleanse. It’s been a wonderful experience, I look forward to many more cleanses.

I haven’t yet had an opportunity to do ANY of the exercises I’d planned on. I’m really bummed about that because exercise pumps the lymphatic system and that is the means by which toxins are eliminated. I know I could be helping my body along, I just can’t figure out what to do with my kids. Kolby is either at work or working around the house trying to get all the stuff done that builds up during the trimester, so just like when school is going on he can’t help out too much. We are putting in our new garden though, so I did get some exercise pulling up sod chunks today, and some fresh air, so that’s good.

Tonight I made ½ dose of gall bladder flush and got it down without much difficulty, I did add maple syrup to it to balance the sour. It tasted bad, but I can handle that, the issue last time was how it felt like it was attacking my mouth. I couldn’t just hold my breath and guzzle it because of what it did to my mouth. I know the next time I will be able to do a full dose. I plan to do 1-2 per week for several months after this cleanse as well.

I’m sure no one wants to hear this, but I’m going to say it anyway, because I LOVE colon health. It fascinates me. Bowel movements and tongues. They tell you SO much about what is going on inside your body, and I love analyzing them. A good bowel movement makes my day. That said, the enemas I’ve been doing are getting better and better. It’s like with each one I’m able to dig deeper into the mess and haul out more and more garbage. So check this out. This morning when I woke up I weighed 121.4 lbs. (after I peed, of course). I went straight to the kitchen and drank my G.I. Gel with 16 oz of water. Then I went and did 3 rounds of enema. It went so well I just had to weigh myself after, out of curiosity. Even with 16 oz of fluid and fiber gel in me, my weight after the enema was 120.0 lbs! Isn’t that amazing?!! Well, I think so! But hey, I think it’s amazing I could even BE 120 lbs! LOL I started out my weightloss journey thinking my ideal weight would be 135-140. I had NO CLUE how small my frame is, what a fantastic discovery!

Oh, and I was dumb today. I realized that the spoon I’ve been using all this time for my G.I. Gel is a teaspoon, NOT a tablespoon. Oops! So I could have been eliminating toxins better all this time, but I think I’m doing great, so I’ll just pack up my tablespoon and move forward : )
Unfortunately, I didn’t have the ingredients I needed for a new recipe today. We were out running errands to I just had to throw something together when I got home. But, there’s something to be learned from that… what do you do in a pinch? Well, I did a green salad with veggies, celery sticks with raw almond butter, and cantaloupe slices. The kids LOVED it, and it was easy, tasty, filling, and nutritious. Maybe not gourmet, but with smiles all around the table, who can complain?

End of Cleanse Day 4

Sunburger on Ezeikiel Bread (minus the crust)

My jaw and neck are a slight bit better today. Yesterday was hard only because of the pain, otherwise nothing really remarkable. I have been a little irritable lately… or maybe the whole rest of the world is just being more annoying than usual… or maybe its because this week is going to be insane trying to prepare to have family in town and throw a huge baptism/birthday part for Juels on Saturday, it will by far be the biggest party we’ve ever had at our house (40+ guests so far). AND I just check weather.com and saw that we’re supposed to have scattered thunderstorms all day. Its supposed to be an outdoor garden party and there’s no way we can fit 40 people in our tiny house, so pray for sun!!!

I’m having some trouble with the recipes I’d planned for this cleanse because Whole Foods was out of buckwheat groats, which I needed for several recipes and now my schedule is all messed up. I had to plan carefully because a lot of things need to be in the dehydrator for a day or more so I had to schedule the dehydrator for certain meals. I’m not really sure what I’m going to do now.

Here’s what I consumed today:
9:00 G.I. Gel, Herb Tinctures
9:30-10.30 32 oz green smoothie
3:30 G.I. Gel, Herb Tinctures
1:00 almonds
1:30 12 strawberries
1:45 banana
1:45-3:15 Spring Tea
2:30 raisins, 1 small sunflower/dried fruit bar
3:30 3 orange slices
4:30 32 oz green smoothie
6:00 green salad, sunburger (recipe below) on ½ slice Ezekiel bread topped with lettuce, 1 stuffed mushroom
8:00 banana
8:45-9:15 Spring Tea
10:15 2 grapefuits
11:15 G.I. Gel, Herb Tinctures, L.B.T. Caps


Sunburgers

By Ani Phyo, Ani’s Raw Food Kitchen (http://www.aniphyo.com/)

2 stalks celery, chopped (about ¾ cup)
¼ cup yellow onion, chopped
½ cup red bell pepper, chopped
1 tsp sea salt
2 tsp oregano, fresh or dried
1 cup sunflower seeds, ground
½ cup flax seeds, ground
½ cup filtered water

To make burgers, put all the ingredients in a bowl, adding the water last. Mix well. Form into balls and flatten into patties. If you’d like a firmer patty, dehydrate the burgers for 3 hours at 104 degrees and serve warm. Top burgers with sliced tomato and lettuce, and serve with your favorite raw bread and condiments.

My note: This is the 3rd time I’ve made these. The flavor is delicious, but I swore I’d never make them again because the texture, even after dehydrating 3-4 hours, is like canned dog food. I decided to give it one last try and dehydrate them longer to see if I could get them more the texture of a meat burger. I had them in the dehydrator 9 hours and they were WONDERFUL! Next time I think I may even go another 2-3 hours. My dehydrator tends to take longer than recipes say it should, so yours may be different as well. Just leave them in, flipping every few hours, until they’re to your liking. Enjoy!

End of Cleanse Day 3

Today was alright. The cleansing part, that is, keeping on schedule with all the herbs and such and eating right, has been pretty easy. Tonight I had a lot of pain in my upper neck and jaw muscles. I’m no stranger to that, that is where my pain has been centered for the past 17 years. I’m hoping the reason the pain is so intense there is because that is what I am eliminating. I’m fighting the urge to take Ibuprofen. I used to take 9 a day just to take the edge off the pain. I haven’t taken even 1 in at least 6 months that I can think of. I know that if I take it it will halt the detoxification process and cause me to need to take it again… and again, and again. I’ve come a long way in eliminating the pain. Most of the time its strong tension, up the back of my neck, around to my jaw and up my ear. It is typically worse on the right. I’ve got constant or frequent pain in other areas, but I don’t notice them often because of the pain in my neck and face. All night it felt like my head weighted a ton and was crushing down on the back of my neck. My jaw felt incredibly tight and swollen and throbbing. Now (halfway through the next day) the pain is still there and has moved across my eyes. My eczema is driving me crazy itching so bad. For a day it was flaking off and I thought it was improving, now it’s back to just hard dry itchyness. Anyway, I didn’t sleep well at all last night, then woke up late today and was an hour and a half late for church. When I walked in Kolby asked me if I was okay, apparently it looked like I’d been crying. I guess the combo of allergies, rashes all around my eyes, and the minimal amount of makeup I put on them didn’t make me look so hot.

I’ve reached a point that I do in all my cleanses where I want to go on cleansing forever. I see progress and in a lot of ways I feel so good I don’t ever want to mess it up again. I don’t know yet if I will go back to eating any cooked food besides the occasional steamed vegetables. I don’t want to. I really want to be 100% raw for the rest of my life. But the Boca burgers have been calling me! Blast you Boca!

I tried to do the gall bladder flush tonight. That was the part of the cleanse I’ve been dreading and terrified of for the past 2 months. At bedtime you drink a combo of fresh garlic and ginger with olive oil and fresh squeezed lemon juice. I don’t like a lot of lemon juice. I gag at the smell and taste of olive oil. And I can’t eat raw garlic or ginger because I can’t handle spiciness at all. I also gag at the smell and taste of ginger. So I knew it would be tough. After tasting a few sips I added fresh squeezed orange juice, as recommended in the instructions, for flavor. Didn’t help much. Then I added some water. That helped a little, so I added some more. After a few more sips, and gags, and burning of my lips and tongue from the lemon juice, I added some pure maple syrup. The Master Cleanse (google it) is a similar concoction and it uses maple syrup. I was trying to think of something to balance the flavors. There was sour, spicy, and fat (oil), but no sweet. The syrup helped quite a bit, but after 40 minutes I only had about a quarter of it down and I was really feeling like I might vomit. So I left it at a quarter dose, layed down on my right side like the instructions said, and drank my tea which made my mouth feel better but I was nauseous for quite a while and kept burping these huge monster burps. I could say that it was an awful experience and I just can’t get the drink down so I’ll just have to have a toxic gall bladder for the rest of my life, but I don’t go down like that. It was a first attempt. There will be more. My will to be healthy is extraordinary. There is nothing that can stop me. I WILL get that drink down. The only reason I didn’t keep forcing it down until I threw it up was that I wanted to keep as much of it down as possible, so I figured it would be better to keep down ¼ than it would be to spend an hour gagging just to lose it all. I plan to try again tonight or the next. I had originally planned to take the flush every other night of my cleanse, but I’m thinking this may have to extend well beyond the cleanse before I get it right. I don’t feel like I’ve failed, I feel like I’m learning, and this is only the beginning.

Here’s what I consumed today:
8:15 G.I. Gel, Herb Tinctures
8:30-9:30 32 oz green smoothie (same as yesterday)
10:45 almonds
11:00 Spring Tea
11:15 orange
Lemon Cream Pie
11:45 3 slices cantalope
12:15 G.I. Gel, Herb Tinctures
1:00 strawberries
1:30 Namaste Tea
2:30-3:00 32 oz green smoothie
3:45 4 lettuce wraps with raw chkin salad
4:30-6:45 Spring Tea
6:00 orange
6:45 green salad with veggies
Cilantro-Pesto Stuffed Mushrooms (recipe below)
7:30 Herb Tinctures
7:45 orange
8:15 G.I. Gel, Herb Tinctures
10:00 apple
10:15 L.B.T. Caps
10:50-11:30 ¼ dose gallbladder flush
11:30 Namaste Tea

Cilantro-Pesto Stuffed Mushrooms
From: Raw Food for Dummies

16 large crimini or button mushrooms
¼ cup Nama Shoyu (raw soy sauce)
1 ½ cups broccoli florets
1 cup fresh cilantro, chopped
2 TBS cold pressed, extra virgin olive oil
2 TBS nutritional yeast (find it in the bulk bins at Whole Foods)
½ cup raw walnuts
3 TBS pine nuts
¼ cup red onion, peeled and chopped
1/8 tsp sea salt, or to taste
¾ tsp freshly ground black pepper
1/8 tsp cayenne (optional)
½ cup celery, cut into 1/8 inch cubes


1. Remove stems from mushroom caps and set aside.
2. Pour shoyu into a bowl and roll mushroom caps around in it to coat. Arrange caps on a plate and either set aside or, if dehydrating, put plate in a dehydrator at 105 degrees for 20 min.
3. Pour remaining shoyu into the bowl of a food processor with mushroom stems, broccoli, cilantro, olive oil, nutritional yeast, walnuts, pine nuts, onion, salt, pepper, and cayenne (if using). Process on high speed for 40-60 seconds or until a uniform pate forms (some chunks are okay). Transfer mixture to a bowl.
4. Add celery to pate and stir well.
5. Scoop pate into mushroom caps, forming a rounded top. Serve immediately or refrigerate in a glass or plastic container with a tightly closed lid. Mushrooms will keep in the refrigerator for 1 or 2 days.

Variation: Use crimini mushrooms if you like the earthy flavor of mushrooms and can find them in a large size. If you prefer a milder mushroom, get button mushrooms. Small mushrooms work great too, but you’ll need twice as many.

End of Cleanse Day 2

Today was much easier. Not that yesterday was particularly hard, I just felt like I was forcing water and herbal drinks down like crazy. I was actually gagging on water halfway through the day. And the tea was worse. I’ve never liked tea anyway, it just isn’t enjoyable to me. I’ve only ever used it medicinally and then I have to really force it down. But today was good. I kept thinking I was forgetting to take stuff and checking my daily checklist, but I was right on track. It just seemed too easy in comparison to yesterday. Maybe my body is just adjusting to the large amounts of fluids or something. I’ve never been great about getting in enough fluids so my body doesn’t really know what to do when it’s well hydrated. I didn’t get much sleep last night between the dog acting crazy and waking me up over and over, the baby waking up about every 30 minutes fussy and congested and wanting to nurse, and having to pee at least once an hour. So I am tired today, and I have a little bit of a headache tonight. Today was crazy busy. Its 9:30 and this is the first time I’ve sat down except to eat dinner. Speaking of which , I’m VERY excited about today’s recipe! Today was a breakthrough day. For 9 ½ months I’ve been trying recipes only to be disappointed over and over. Normally I consider anything that doesn’t make me gag a success. But today’s recipe was DELICIOUS! I now have 1 meal item on the menu that the kids and I really enjoy eating. Yay! Also, today was mine and Kolby’s 5 year anniversary! We didn’t get to spend much time together because we were so busy so that was a bummer, but we are very excited to have made it 5 years and look forward to the next 55!

Here’s what I consumed today:

8:15 G.I. Gel & Herb Tinctures
9:15-11:00 32 oz green smoothie (red leaf lettuce, frozen strawberry, pineapple, mango, and peach) (as outlined below)
11:30 orange
12:00 Herb Tinctures
12:00-12:30 Namaste Tea
12:15 blackberries, 3 oz
12:30 G.I. Gel
1:00 raisins
1:30 almonds
1:45-3:00 32 oz green smoothie
3:30 banana
4:45 4 black mission figs
5:15-6:30 Spring Tea
6:00 chkin salad wraps (recipe below)
4 asparagus spears with olive oil, garlic powder, and sea salt
“Easy As Pie” Cool Lemon Cream Pie (recipe below)
7:00 canatlope
8:00-9:00 Spring Tea
8:00 3 bites Lemon Cream Pie (Behn didn’t finish his second piece, lucky me!)
9:30 G.I. Gel & Herb Tinctures
10:00-11:00 Namaste Tea
10:00 red grapes
11:00 L.B.T. Caps
12:00 banana

Raw Chkin Salad
I found this recipe online, its AMAZING, and I don’t know who to credit it to : ( Sorry to whoever wrote this!

1/2 cup sunflower seeds (soaked 3 hours)
1/2 cup cashews (soaked 3 hours)
1/4 cup gound pecans
2 inch piece of cucumber
1 tablespoon onion (I used 3 green onions, bulbs and greens chopped)
1/2 celery stick
½ carrot
1 teaspoon dill
1/4 teaspoon curry powder
half a lemon's juice (I used a quarter)
1 teaspoon salt
lots of ground black pepper

Directions:Pulse all together. It should be a finer texture than regular tofu chicken salad. That helps it to stick together. No need to add water if it seems it won't stick. The cucumber and nuts and carrot should release water after it sits. This is delish! Add to your fav raw bread! Keep in fridge for a week. Makes: 2-4 servings

My note: I spread this on lettuce leaves and rolled them, it was sooo good! The kids had there’s on Ezekiel bread with lettuce. You could also serve this on raw or whole grain crackers (depending on where you are in your transition).


“Easy As Pie” Cool Lemon Cream Pie
From Carol Alt’s book The Raw 50

Handful of cashews
Handful of raw almonds (I used 2 handfuls)
Handful of pitted dates
2 TBS raw carob powder (I omitted this, the only way to get raw carob is to order it online)
1 ripe banana
½ cup shredded raw coconut, unsweetened and unsulphered
2 TBS fresh lemon juice
1 TBS flax oil

Combine the cashews, almonds, dates, and carob poder in the food processor and finely chop until the mixture is crumblike. Add purified water by the teaspoon until the mixture sticks together. Dump the crumbs into a glass pie plate and press onto the bottom and up the sides to form a crust. (My note: It doesn’t need to go all the way to the top of the pan, this is a shallow pie.)
Place the crust in the freezer for 5 to 10 minutes.
While the crust chills, combine the banana, coconut, lemon juice, and flax seed oil in a blended and whir until the texture is smooth and creamy. Fill the pie shell with the mixture, then refrigerate for 30 minutes or longer. Serve cold, cut into wedges. My note: I don’t have a food processor so I used my Vitamix. The dough didn’t turn out crumbly, more like paste (which is why I added the extra almonds, it was a little too sticky). I also ground up a small handful of almonds and sprinkled them in the pie pan before I put the dough in to keep it from sticking.

End of Cleanse Day 1

Drinking my morning tea

Caesar Salad with Sprouted Grain Croutons







I feel like I drank an ocean. I wouldn’t be surprised if my pores suddenly sprung leaks and water just started shooting out of me in all directions. I must have peed like a zillion times the past 3 days. And I’m nauseous. The first half of the day was pretty easy, but now I’m exhausted (its 11:30 at night and I needed to be asleep an hour ago) and I just feel sick all over. I’m just trying to remind myself that this is good, this means its WORKING. Before I started this cleanse I’d thought about how disappointed I would be if I just breezed through it without conflict. That would be bad. That would mean I’m not actually eliminating anything. I’m drawing from my experience with childbirth. When a woman feels her contractions getting stronger she’s inclined to tense up and get scared. I believe that’s counterproductive. I welcome strong contractions. The stronger they are the more my body is working for me and my baby. The stronger they are the more assured I am that everything is going perfectly and safely. The stronger they are the closer I am to holding my baby in my arms. So I’m trying to think that the more sick I feel the more my body is getting what it needs. These are only symptoms of detoxification. They are good. I am welcoming them. I don’t need these toxins any more. Its time to let go. Its amazing what we hold on to. Anger. Regret. Sickness. Fear. People. Sorrow. We don’t need these things. They build up in our bodies and sicken us at a cellular level. They fester and rot and breed disease. They kill us. Just let go of what you don’t need. If it isn’t serving a positive purpose, then you don’t need it.





I did jump the gun and start today off with an enema, which wasn’t in the plan until tomorrow, but I’m glad I did. When people hear the word enema they tense up. Why is that? I’ve been pondering it lately. Why are we so afraid of our anus’s? They are just as much a part of us as any other part. We should love ourselves from top to bottom, inside and out. No wonder colon cancer is so common. I’d be willing to bet it has a lot to do with the feelings we have toward that area of our bodies. When you think colon, or anus, what do you think? Shame, stink, poop, embarrassment, the unknown, darkness, immorality? Let’s be honest about it. What’s the deal? What’s keeping you from knowing yourself and loving yourself completely? I was terrified to do an enema. I put it off for years. I did my first one a few weeks ago. I was on the bathroom floor shaking before I did it because I was so scared. I don’t really know what I was so scared of… the unknown I suppose. But really there’s nothing to be afraid of at all. Enemas have been done since ancient times. A trend that has lasted that long must have some miraculous benefits! We really do need enemas, or better yet colonics (if you can afford them). Our health is too important to let the unknown scare us away from something so essential. I would recommend you do 2-4 enemas before you start a cleanse just to get the hang of it and to let go of your fears, if you have them. The idea of cleansing is to care for yourself, not to enter into some freaky world of unexplored sphincters and witch brewed tinctures. It took me a few tries to get an effective enema, and for that reason alone it’s a good idea to have a few practice runs. Once you try it you won’t be sorry. You have nothing to lose. I mean really, what’s the worst that can happen? You poo on the floor? So clean it up and try again. As they say, “Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.” And fruit is good!





Here is what I consumed today:
6:30 G.I. Gel
7:15 Herb Tinctures
7:30-8:00 Spring Tea
8:15-9:45 32 oz green smoothie (romaine, frozen strawberry, pineapple, mango, and peach) (as outlined below)
9:15 Blackberries, 6 oz
9:45 2 bananas
10:30-11:00 Namaste Tea
11:00 Orange
11:45 7 oz green smoothie
12:00 Herb Tinctures
12:30 G.I. Gel
1:00 Strawberries
1:30 raisins
1:45 almonds
3:15 red grapes
3:45-4:14 Spring Tea
4:45 banana
5:30 Caesar Salad with Sprouted Grain Crutons (recipe below)
6:00 Orange
7:15 almonds
9:30 Herb Tinctures
10:00 G.I. Gel
10:30 red grapefruit
11:00-11:30 Namaste Tea
11:30 L.B.T. Caps8:30-9:00 32 oz green smoothie





Caesar Salad

1 large bunch spinach (I forgot to buy it so I used mixed baby greens)
1 handful cherry tomatoes, halved
½ cup raw pumpkin seeds, ground
1-2 garlic cloves, pressed (I used garlic powder)
½ lemon, juiced
½ - 1 tsp prepared Dijon mustard (you can make this raw, I used bottled)
2 TBS extra virgin cold pressed olive oil
dash Celtic sea salt
sprinkle freshly ground white pepper

Place spinach/greens and tomatoes in a bowl. Grind pumpkin seeds and sprinkle over greens (this is the substitute for the Parmesan you’d find in conventional Caesar salad). In a small bowl combine garlic, lemon juice, mustard, olive oil, salt and pepper. Pour over spinach/greens and toss well.
Serves 2. Best eaten immediately.





How I made the croutons:I just took a few slices of Ezekiel bread (sesame flavor, because that’s what I had on hand). Ezekiel bread is a live sprouted grain bread that is cooked at a low temp to preserve nutrients as well as possible. It isn’t raw, but it is superior to other breads as it is “live” and contains no flour or sugar. It makes a great transition food, or an occasional treat. The cinnamon raisin lightly toasted with coconut oil is like a dessert! Anyway, I took a few slices and spread a thin layer of coconut oil on both sides. Then I sprinkled dried parsley, garlic powder, and sea salt on both sides, pressing it into the oil with my butter knife to get it to stick. After that I cut the bread into crouton-sized squares and put them into the dehydrator for about 5 hours. They were delicious on the salad!

End of Pre-Cleanse Day 2

Behn modeling his raw Pad Thai

Another day down. I felt amazing the first half of the day, then I crashed. I don’t know if it was the fact that my boys woke me up super early this morning, or if it was because my allergies went crazy when Kolby was mowing the lawn, or maybe I let my blood sugar get too low, or it could have been detox symptoms… but I just got so super tired and fuzzy headed and just wanted to crawl into a womb. Regardless, I’m feeling better now, just tired.

I’m very much looking forward to tomorrow, excited to start the deep cleansing. Of course I’m a little nervous, you never know what detox symptoms will come your way, but luckily they are typically quick to pass. I’ll need to keep that in mind over the next few days.

Here is what I consumed today:

7:30 G.I. Gel
8:15-9:30 Green smoothie, as outlined below (frozen strawberry, mango, pineapple, and peach with shredded unsulphered, unsweetened coconut, and spinach)
9:45 organic red delicious apple
10:45 raisins
11:15 orange
12:00 1-1/2 stalks of celery with raw almond butter
1:15 green grapes
1:30 1 raw flax pancake with blueberry syrup
3:00 almonds
4:15 banana
4:45 10 oz green smoothie (same as above)
6:00 5 spears lightly steamed asparagus with organic cold-pressed olive oil, garlic, and sea salt and raw Pad Thai
9:00 ½ red grapefruit
10:00 ½ cup peppermint ice cream (raw and vegan)
10:45 banana

I realized today I didn’t note my water intake for yesterday, and I’m not done drinking yet tonight, so I’ll just say that I did drink more than my goal yesterday and I’m sure I’ll meet my goal before I go to bed tonight as well. I also didn’t take my L.B.T. caps yet, but I will.


Here is today’s recipe:

Pad Thai

Serves 4-5

1/2 head lettuce, shredded (I used red leaf)
1 large handful bok choy, shredded
2 daikon radish, grated
1 large handful shitake mushrooms, chopped
1 large handful fresh green beans, chopped
1 large handful bean sprouts
2 red chili, finely chopped
4 cloves garlic, crushed (I used garlic powder because my kids don’t like spice)
2 TBS sesame oil
1 TBS raw agave nectar
2 TBS Nama Shoyu (raw soy sauce)
8 TBS cashews, chopped
Make a bed of shredded lettuce and bok choy on each plate. Place all of the rest of the ingredients, except the cashews, in a bowl and toss to coat. Pile on top of the lettuce beds. Top with cashews.