Frustration and Hope: The Eternal Round

I am often upset by the fact that I am still limited by my body. Here I am home from Church again. I see people all around me, people I’ve mentored and other raw-foodests, who can make the smallest changes and see amazing results. I’m a year in to this and still rather ill. Somehow I’ve hung onto this wild hope that, in time, my body will heal. I’ve been carried this far on the wings of faith. Today’s issue: Several years ago, when I was pregnant with my second child, when I drank water I could hear and feel bubbling just under my left rib cage. With my third pregnancy it came back, and this time when I would turn to the left I would feel something “catch” under my ribs. I had one of my interns at my husband’s school palpate my abdomen and she said everything felt fine. Following that pregnancy I’ve had a lot of painful gas up the side of my descending colon and, most recently, sharp stabbing pain under the rib (where the transcending and descending colon meet) that goes through into my back. When it happens I go down to the floor. I can’t stand and I can barely inhale, so I take tiny, short, sharp breaths. It usually happens after a bowel movement, and then I’ll often have another (and maybe even another) and that will ease the pain. When it happened several days ago I did an enema and that helped, but I can’t do enemas most of the time because I’m alone with 3 small children. It terrifies me that this problem is getting worse. Lately I’ve pondered seeing an M.D., worrying that I have colon cancer or some such thing. I’m pretty freaked out. I’m still struggling to go 100% raw with hypoglycemia. The past 2 days I drank my first green juices. I want so badly to do the 92-day juice feast, but even the modified version (where you also consume green smoothies and raw soups with blended avocado) worries me. First of all because I have yet to met a raw soup I could swallow, nor a blended avocado for that matter. Second, because I tried all green smoothies for a day and had a terrible hypoglycemic reaction. I haven’t felt a big difference with the green juice I’ve drank so far, but I’ve only been drinking 1 qt a day. A regular juice feast calls for 6 qts a day, and a modified feast 4 qts. I do feel very unbalanced and I know my body is screaming for more greens (I currently consume about 2 heads of lettuce per day, one of them blended and one as a salad). I also feel an intense need for exercise, but I still am clueless as to how to do that with 3 children. I’ve been SOOOO tired lately. I’ve been falling asleep sitting up during the day everyday, normally I wouldn’t even sit down during the day in the first place. I’m scared that if I try to exercise I’ll black out or something. I’ve always been afraid of the sensations that come along with a workout. Once my heart starts pounding, I panic. As a result I’m super weak and tired and have a lot of pain in my body. I do, however, have one good thing to report! The swelling in my feet has gone down a ton and my eczema has DRASTICALLY improved, like, I can wear eye makeup now and there are no traces of it on my elbows or knees. So… that should mean my digestion is improving… so why the stabbing gas pains?

Goals: Lately I’ve been starting the day off with several Master Cleanse drinks (2 TBS fresh lemon juice, 2 TBS maple syrup, dash of cayenne pepper, and 8 oz. water). I follow that with a green juice and (if my blood sugar will allow it) follow that with a green smoothie. The idea (my idea) is to extend my night fast and give my digestive tract as much rest as possible. I’d like to work it up in a full day of nothing but liquids. I’ve also been working the sprouted grain bread out of my day. So the one big problem that is still in the way of 100% raw is that dang creamy French salad dressing. I still cannot find a raw dressing I can even tolerate, much less enjoy, and greens without dressing, even when covered with other veggies, are just plain chokey and dry. But really, in the average day, my only issues left are sprouted bread, organic unsalted peanut butter, and creamy French dressing. I’ve got my vices down to three!

My most troubling symptoms currently:

Exhaustion

Weakness

Muscle tension pain and headaches

Abdominal pain, gas, nausea

Hypoglycemia

To me it all points to weak digestion and the liver and gall bladder troubles that come along with it. The cure for weak digestion is feasting on (mostly) green juices, but that can’t be done with severe hypoglycemia… sigh.